This post is part of my series on authenticity, identity, and the cost of visibility. If you’re new here, start with “Two Months Quiet” to understand why I disappeared—and what brought me back louder than before.
_______________________________________________________________
“This week’s discussion: Is sexual orientation an issue that society should be involved in?”
I woke up this week to a question that felt like a punch 💥:
Is my life, my love, my family, a problem for society to solve?
The answer is simple—it is not. But the question? That’s violence. Wrapped up in a neat little academic bow 🎀. What the fuck is all of this? How does it feel to see your life, your love, your family, reduced to a classroom thought experiment? To have your existence debated like it’s a goddamn theory? And it pissed me the fuck off 😡.
Right after I read the prompt, I got a text from my son—my self-proclaimed token straight kid. He’s 22, engaged, living on his own, driving for Amazon, navigating life. We chat most days while he’s on the clock, and that day was no different. He asked if I was up for a call. I said sure, he could join me in my righteous indignation. Because sometimes, righteous anger is better when it’s shared, even over the hum of a delivery van and the occasional “Mom, breathe.” 😤
The Framing Is the Problem 🧨
Calling sexual orientation an “issue” isn’t just stupid. It’s pathologizing. It’s saying, without saying it, that something about me—about my marriage, my love, my family—is inherently wrong, inherently fixable, inherently up for debate.
I am a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community 🌈. I am married to a woman I love with everything in me. I am a proud parent of two queer kids. My middle kid came out at 12, my youngest at 11—a solid five years before I fully accepted who I was. They inspire me every day. They haven’t had an easy road. My youngest has faced bullying because of their identity. But they never give up, and they teach me daily that it’s okay to be who I am. Fuck what the world thinks.
And yet, I had to sit in a classroom and watch my family’s existence treated as a problem to be solved 🏫💀.
From a psychological standpoint, sexual orientation arises from a complex mix of biology, hormones, and environment (OpenStax, 2020). It is not a choice. It is not a moral failing. It is not an academic puzzle 🧬🧠. And yet here we are: a discussion board where my humanity is framed as if society should have a say in whether I, we, exist.
“I am not a problem to be solved. I am here with a life to be lived. My love is not a case study. My family is not a project.” 💥
The Cost of This Framing 💔
And let’s get one thing straight: framing orientation as a “societal issue” isn’t just a thought experiment—it kills ☠️.
Approximately 40% of LGBTQ youth seriously consider suicide each year 😔
More than 12% attempt suicide annually ⚠️
Of those attempts, roughly 1–2% tragically succeed 😢💔—that’s thousands of kids lost
Transgender and nonbinary youth face even higher risk 🏳️⚧️
These aren’t just numbers. These are kids. Our kids. Someone’s kids. My kids 👶💖. And you’re sitting there debating if their existence is an “issue”? What the actual fuck? 🤬
Minority stress theory makes it clear: stigma, invalidation, and societal questioning of identity create chronic stress that kills (Meyer, 2003).
“When you frame sexual orientation as an ‘issue,’ you’re not having an intellectual discussion. You’re contributing to the chronic stress that pushes kids toward the edge of life itself.” ⚡
Despite this, we endure. We thrive. We love fiercely ❤️🔥. Our existence is resilience incarnate. 💪🌈
The Impossible Position 🎯
Then there’s the assignment itself. After posting, I was told to “reflect on my emotional response” while reading peers’ posts. Imagine being forced to analyze your own erasure, justify your rage 😤, and maintain professionalism while your existence is debated like a hypothetical.
And the fucking kicker? My professor shrugged: “Well, I don’t make the curriculum.” 😒
No accountability. No responsibility. Just bureaucratic shrugging while lives—real lives—are degraded. Bureaucracy over humanity, theory over existence. Aren’t we getting enough of that in mainstream media right now?
“Tell me honestly—what would it do to you, being forced to justify your own right to exist?” 🔥
To the Folks in the Back Row 👀
If you’re in that psych class and scrolling past, here’s what I need you to hear:
I am not hypothetical
My wife is not a debate prompt
My children are not a thought experiment
When you click “post reply” on a discussion board, you’re choosing whether to affirm or erase real people. That’s not theory. That’s impact ⚡.
“I came out later in life. I spent decades hiding, performing straightness, suffocating under the weight of what society expected. And even now—married, out, proud—I still have to defend my right to exist in a psychology classroom. What the actual fuck?” 😡
If you find yourself ready to reply with skepticism or dismissal, pause and ask:
Why am I so quick to judge lives that aren’t mine? 🧐
If You’re Uncomfortable… Good. 🔥
If reading this makes you squirm, roll your eyes 🙄, clutch your pearls 😳, or mutter “this is too much”—good. That discomfort? That’s your problem, not mine.
Because here’s the truth: if the existence of queer lives as valid, full, messy human beings makes you uncomfortable, maybe you are part of the problem. Maybe it’s your assumptions, your biases, your unquestioned “normal” that need a long, hard look 👊.
“If this makes you uncomfortable, don’t scroll past. Sit with it. Ask why. That fire? It’s meant to burn the complacency right out of you.” 🔥
I am not here to make you feel safe. I am here to make you think 💡. To confront your bullshit. To remind you that my life, my love, my family—are not up for debate. We already exist. And I’m done asking permission. 💪
If You Need Support ❤️🩹
If this post hits hard—anger, grief, fear, or something you can’t even name—you are not alone. You can reach out to trained, affirming support:
Crisis Support
The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ youth): 1-866-488-7386 | Text START to 678-678 | thetrevorproject.org/get-help
Trans Lifeline (peer support by and for trans people): US: 877-565-8860 | Canada: 877-330-6366 | translifeline.org
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (available 24/7, LGBTQ+ trained counselors)
For Parents of LGBTQ+ Kids
PFLAG (support, education, advocacy): pflag.org
Trevor Project Parent Resources: trevorproject.org/resources/guide/a-guide-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youth
Mental Health & Community
LGBT National Help Center: 1-888-843-4564 | glbtnearme.org
Psychology Today LGBTQ+ Therapist Directory: psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/gay
For Educators & Students
GLSEN: Resources for creating safer schools | glsen.org
The Safe Zone Project: Free online LGBTQ+ awareness training | thesafezoneproject.com
Community & Support
Mama Dragons: Support for moms of LGBTQ+ kids | mamadragons.org
Stand In Pride: Support for youth and families | standinpride.org
If you’re questioning your identity, not out yet, or navigating alone—your existence is not an issue. You do not owe explanations. Surviving today is enough. And tomorrow? We keep going. Together.
And if you need someone to hear you, witness your rage, grief, or fear, you can always reach out to me. I won’t try to fix you. I’ll just see you 👁️🗨️.
“My identity is not an issue. My love is not a problem. My family is not a thought experiment. We exist. And I’m fucking done asking permission.” 🔥💥